That's right! Anger is a natural human emotion. It becomes a problem when we cannot control our behavior, and it becomes destructive. One of the first things that I share with my clients is to no longer say he/she/you/it MADE me angry. Using the word "made" immediately gives power to something or someone other than you.
Therefore, you "stay" angry while waiting on the person or situation to change. Admit it--sometimes you are angry with someone, and they have no idea that anything is wrong. So, your anger lasts longer, because you have not communicated your feelings and you still use the word "made." Remember you always have control of how you respond to people and events in your life.
Instead, use "I" statements to put the control back in your hands and to better identify your triggers. Using "I" statements also creates a more welcoming space for open communication.
For example, here are two statements a wife may make to her husband:
1.) You make me so angry when I have to come home and things are not done!
2.) I get angry when I come home and see that you have not finished any of the household chores.
Do you see any difference in the two statements? If so, what are they?
Also, feel free to share any additional thoughts that you have about anger.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)